Julie is married to her sweetheart of twenty-one years and is mom to two amazing daughters and one rather stubborn German Shepherd. She is a small town girl from New Brunswick who moved to Ontario more than two decades ago. She has a Master’s Degree in Criminology and Women Studies and spent more than 15 years working in federal corrections. She is currently a yoga teacher and wellness Coach trained in the Integral method.
In 2014, Julie’s husband was involved in a serious car accident that left him with permanent physical and cognitive disabilities. She struggled with balancing her husband’s recovery needs, raising their daughters, running the household and maintaining her employment. She knows very well what it is like to live in survival mode and to feel powerless to change anything.
This experience altered her outlook and her career path. Julie believes her yoga practice was the one thing that sustained her during the most challenging periods. As her husband became progressively more independent, she decided to pursue Yoga Teacher training and extra training in teaching mindfulness meditation and in teaching yoga to children. She currently teaches four weekly yoga classes and teaches workshops for tweens and teens. She also previously ran summer yoga camp sessions.
Julie then pursued coaching training so that she could use her experience to support caregivers. She is passionate about exposing the challenges that caregivers face and the overwhelming responsibilities they shoulder, often behind the closed doors of their homes. Julie works alongside caregivers to find practical solutions to their challenges and to manage the difficult emotions that come from being in the caregiving role. Julie is a firm believer that wellness stems from an effective management of our energy levels and in maintaining a connection between mind, body and spirit. She brings that belief to her approach in both her work and personal life.
[0:00] Welcome to Artful aging with your host Amy are you a senior or caregiver of a,
looking for support and Direction best selling author educator and expert in Senior Living Amy Friesen is here,
with the help you need while providing you with an important and valuable support,
so now please welcome the host of Artful aging Amy Friesen.
[0:30] Good morning everyone I'm Amy Friesen and this is Artful aging with Amy today we are live again from Bold Brave TV thanks so much for joining us on today's show it's all a show for all caregivers
whether you're a caring for a spouse a partner a parent a child and everything in between how to care for yourself and how to find balance.
[0:53] I myself am a caregiver to a beautiful three-year-old she's smart loving independent beautiful she's a super cutie and I love her to pieces.
But she is also bold and she's clingy and she's still learning and she's on Hunger Strike most of the time and she's a 3:00 a.m. party animal.
Needless to say we don't get a lot of breaks in this house let alone sleep and don't forget that it's been compounding,
over the three years that she's been in our lives so three weeks ago she got a cold and she was home from preschool for two weeks straight.
Now being sick on top of her daily is enough to break anyone especially when I also got sick,
I expanded my keemun tea and toast I started a talk show and I'm having multiple other speaking events that I'm responsible for so I know many of you have had similar experiences and can relate.
I often find that what's happening in my life is aligned with what is happening in my clients life and just at the other end of the spectrum.
And that's why I can relate to so well to families and seniors.
I myself struggle with being a caregiver I feel guilty I feel resentful and really really tired and we're taught just to keep moving forward.
Or take breaks when we can I can tell you every time I take a break I feel more anxiety because I feel I should be doing something else how many of you can relate to that feeling.
[2:19] My guest today has felt all the same things when she was turned back into a gear Giver instantaneously after her husband's accident.
Now if you remember Artful aging is all about showing you that you're not alone and to help break down the isolation that people feel by offering.
[2:38] Julie Fournier Alfred LF raise that right Julie you'll have to tell me for sure I'm sorry is a mom she's a partner
she's a dog mom that I can hear in my ear right now and he must be really cute yoga teacher and a coach.
Through her personal Journey she has had to find her own balance while caring for everyone remaining employed and helping her husband in his recovery.
She's passionate about exposing the challenges that caregivers face and the overwhelming responsibility they shoulder often behind closed doors of their home welcome Julie I'm so happy that you could join us today.
Oh I'm happy to be here thanks for inviting me sorry about the Barking in the background such as the way.
I know I was worried there would be a delivery and sure enough this of course that's the way well Julie why don't we start today can you tell us more about where and how your journey began.
Of course so my husband and I live just on the outskirts of Ottawa and we have two beautiful daughters and up until about eight years ago we were both
commuting downtown Ottawa for work we had just a regular happy busy but happy life
and then eight years ago my husband was involved in a serious car accident and it left him with some permanent cognitive and physical disabilities.
[4:08] So in the blink of an eye he went from a very involved active dad and husband and you know.
[4:20] Handyman around the house and everything else to not being able to work or.
Even walk without the help of a Cane he was unable to drive
follow any types of conversations that we had at the beginning like shortly after the accident and he had a lot of memory
issues so as you can imagine that threw us for a loop and it meant that we had to sort of readjust our whole lifestyle.
[4:52] So we were fortunate that my mother-in-law came and helped for a little bit and I also
tried to maintain you know the employment and shovel the driveway and take care of the kids and do all of those things on my own and I ended up
working for about six weeks after the accident and then realized I just couldn't do it.
And because physically he was going to need a lot of medical attention so physiotherapy massage you name it like pain management
appointments that sort of thing but also it was the the traumatic brain injury that was really challenging for us.
Because I knew very little about concussions and knew very little about what would happen in terms of personality changes in terms of
sensitivity to light and sound and the forgetfulness and all of those things so it definitely.
[5:53] Meant a great big change in our life and so I ended up taking two years off work just to care for him because
it was not just about driving him but it was also noticing that it wasn't safe to leave him alone at home by himself during the day and.
So yeah it was just that Split Second I became his caregiver and had to adjust and try to keep some level of normalcy for our kids who were at the time seven and five
and manage his recovery.
[6:29] Something something you said to is that not only were you managing all of it and actively physically doing it and mentally doing it.
But it's interesting to that it's also an education base that you had to take on right like it's not a lot of caregivers maybe don't even know how to be a caregiver or do a part of caregiving and so that's something that's.
Not really address a lot it's not only the physical and mental caregiving it's the actual time for that learning curve and all of us learn things differently right and so it's like this.
Pill of doing all of it at once right absolutely.
[7:11] Yeah and I talked about balance and taking care of oneself to avoid burnout all the time with the adult children I work with.
Many of them laughs awkwardly might add because they know I'm right,
but they often don't feel like there's a priority because they're not the one that is ill or injured,
and and so they just keep kind of trucking along and know that you know burnouts a thing but you know
I'll deal with it when I can deal with it and I totally understand that feeling Julie do you think that caregiving or sorry do you think caregivers have been forgotten or medical system isn't really set up to help them
in the way that I think they actually could use some extra help what do you think.
And I think they have definitely been forgotten as a whole but I prefer to think of it in a way of they fall through the cracks.
[8:03] So I know that you know there's a number of support groups let's say for children with parents who suffer from dementia for instance right but there's not a whole organization that looks at
caregivers and the medical system your right is not set up in a way
to help caregivers deal with the overwhelming responsibilities with the emotional,
baggage that comes right and not educational component I know that personally
I was you know I got some information about you know brain injuries and how to deal with his medical care but I didn't get,
any support in terms of and telling me that you're going to feel resentful at times and you're going to feel
angry and you're going to feel guilty and you're going to be overwhelmed and you're going to be fatigued and nobody sets you up for that because you're right there's a big learning curve but then there's also all of these emotions that sort of pile up.
[9:09] I think that people just take for granted that emotions are there and you're going to feel what you feel and then you know it's hard to kind of pinpoint because.
You know two people could be caregivers one could feel that guilt and one might not you know even with my caregivers at
I work with a lot of the feel guilt but they don't want to say it's guilt a lot of them feel X and they don't want to say that because then they feel more guilty or Worse about it worse,
yeah what would you say the biggest challenge or the biggest issue or challenge caregivers face is.
I think it's what I've noticed is it about your perception.
Right we feel sometimes that we're not the ones who are suffering right.
So the caregiver might say it's the person who it's Mike loved one whose very existence depends on me and I'm not trying to be dramatic but in a lot of cases that's it
right their existence relies on me depends on me so how can I possibly stop and take some time out for me.
[10:17] Right so it's not hold perspective and also sometimes we start to compare well other people are doing it why can't I the comparison
the comparison yeah let's let's talk about that a little bit more after the break we've got to take a couple of minutes for a break now but consider on the break
do you have a perspective issue when it comes to caregiving for our audience think about think about that in your own life this is Artful aging with Amy will be right back.
[10:46] If you're a planner or trying to be one things you should know as a great place to start.
Personal information power of attorney info and real estate is just a fraction of the information you can store in this fillable planner and Record Keeper.
Download your free copy today at ten toes to dot c a forward slash medical Dash planner to get started.
[11:09] Welcome back we're just really scratching the surface here we've been speaking with Julie of live your balance about the role of caregiving and our society and some of the hurdles we face before the break.
We were talking about whether or not we had perspective issues as caregivers I can say I have a prospective issue it's right what Julie was saying that you feel that.
Something won't exist if you're not doing it and so how do you walk away how do you take a break.
Julian why don't we touch on for just a second what did you find about this do you have a perspective issue.
[11:44] Definitely I mean I remember thinking to myself you know we don't have family in town I have two small children and I have this husband who's blocking out falling down who can't,
get themselves to appointments you can't remember half of what
is going on what can I possibly cut out of my life right you get so tired and fatigued and overwhelmed and yet you realize that.
[12:09] There's there's nothing you can cut out right and then a lot of people would say to me
you know well at least you're not living in a war-torn country right and that's another perspective that's the other side is that it could always be our son you could have lost him in the accident he could have died and then it's like yeah but that's
that's not helpful right that's not helpful it's like yes I'm very grateful you didn't die
but that's not helpful with the here and now and I think that's the biggest issue is that just because it could be worse doesn't mean that it's not difficult.
That's a thing right and that's yeah we I address that with not only my family's about myself to write of course it always can be worse it doesn't mean what you're feeling is invalid.
Right and that doesn't mean that you're not overwhelmed with little time in the day for you to be able to sit,
or a little time for you to like you said you're giving up things what can I give up and get off my plate most of that stuff's your own stuff right and I can even tell you from my own experience I don't really have any hobbies anymore right because between work and Eva and everything else,
you know I'm kind of stripped to the bare minimum at this point.
The word self-care is one of those words that seems to be kind of tossed out a lot I know you're already smiling Julie because I know we've talked about this but it's lost a bit of meaning.
So I know that you're not a huge fan of it what is it about the word self care that you don't like.
[13:36] I think self care needs a makeover quite frankly because for so many people,
when they hear the word self-care they think a massage they think a pedicure they think an expensive day at the spa so it's almost as though the use of self-care has now become pampering.
[13:59] And so when you say to somebody who's really overwhelmed and really just in survival mode basically oh you need to take time out for self-care
it's almost a slap in the face it's like I'm sorry but I'm dealing with life and death here and you're talking to me about self-care.
Just go have a bath just yeah have a bubble bath right have a bubble bath and everything will melt away,
and also the other issue too is that it's in the word right it's self-care it becomes another responsibility that you're placing squarely on the shoulders of somebody.
Who is already overwhelmed.
So so not only are they not looking after themselves but they're being made to feel guilty that they're not looking after themselves but there's one more responsibility that they're failing at Ya so,
self-care I believe really needs to be about learning how to manage your energy.
And right now we live in a society where we glorify being busy we
glorify being productive everything is about pushing through and always doing more and always achieving more and reaching even when you're tired just pushing through right and and until that stops,
no one's going to be able to actually learn to read their energy and to respect how much energy they have.
[15:25] And I think that's where self-care just kind of misses the boat completely.
[15:31] Pressure to and then it's also you know thinking about self-care it's you know the word right and you know where do I fit that in where is this self-care fit yeah and and just that I mean,
for me and I try to teach this to my daughters as well is that sometimes self-care is more about saying no to someone.
[15:51] It's not about having a massage sometimes it's about establishing boundaries and saying you know what I don't have time I don't have the bandwidth right now I don't have the energy to take on a new project and being okay with that.
Right and not attaching all of these emotions to it and saying oh I'm going to say no and what's going to happen is it going to.
You know I ruin the relationship that sort of thing and sometimes self care is about not spending time with people who drain your battery.
[16:20] Right sure.
If if one of the caregivers in our audience was looking for some ideas of what to do to care for oneself do you have any suggestions for them Julie.
[16:33] I think the first step
is always about figuring out where your energy is and admitting that energy is finite so my husband's occupational therapist
I used to have this program with points it was a point system so he had a number of points in the morning,
and he would say okay if I have 5 Points when I wake up in the morning and I know I'm going to Physio appointment that's going to take the car rides going to take.
Reach you know will be two points to actually do the movements another car ride home I'm depleted by the time I get home I need to rest,
right and I know there's different theories there's spoons and different people use different systems but I think,
the whole idea there is a good one we don't teach our kids,
to learn to read their energy because it's always push push push do more right so I think the very first step is just to say you know what I'm feeling depleted right now so I can't take on as much,
as when I wake up and I've had a really good night sleep and once you start to learn where your energy levels are at that's when you can start to say.
I know a little bit more easily to things that you know are going to deplete you.
[17:48] I think that first stuff I just thought that point system was really interesting because I hadn't heard that before.
Yeah I know there's a spoons Theory that's quite popular as well but you have a number of spoons and anyway points are the same right but ultimately it's all about learning that.
If you don't recharge the battery you're only going to be able to run on fumes for a tiny bit.
[18:17] Now it's interesting I've chosen to do things in my life like getting a snow clearing service or getting a cleaning service and I'm doing it because I don't have any more bandwidth and I need my area to be manageable
but Society is a whole kind of has a stigma you know someone that's my age and my shape and might whatever should be able to do all that and then then caregivers like myself feel even more guilty because they've farmed out this stuff trying to help,
and it's not working for them so it's.
It's been interesting for sure but we're going to take another break let's let's think on this over the break and a question for you is as a caregiver are you burned out.
Have a think on it and when we come back it's,
we're going to talk more about burnout it's a really hard thing to heal from it's a really hard thing to kind of know that you're going through but we're going to talk about it more in depth when we come back this is Artful aging with Amy here live on Bold Brave TV see you in a minute.
[19:16] Welcome back I've been speaking with Julie of live your balance all about care giving and caring for oneself and.
Now I'd like to talk about getting into sorry I'd like to chat about burnout my brains got so much stuff in it about this topic that I.
Direct to you but I know that I've been.
[19:38] On different occasions from work and general life but I find out with a three-year-old what I would assume is still burn out.
Feels a bit different it almost feels more exhausted to be honest Julie is caregiver burnout different than regular Burnett would you say.
Well first I'd say that any burnout is difficult.
The difference I think is that caregiver burnout doesn't just jeopardize the caregivers well-being but it also jeopardize the other persons,
the person who's being cared for his well-being as well so the stakes are just that much higher when you have responsibility for someone else's care,
and it's also I find very emotionally heavy.
[20:30] So I spoke a little bit about that before that sometimes you know you'll feel that that guilt or that resentment but caregivers will depending on the position that they're in sometimes they're grieving.
Right so if a caregiver is looking after an ailing parent with dementia and they're exhausted
and they're just overwhelmed with responsibility they're grieving probably the fact that their parent is not going to get better.
They're grieving
the loss of time they're grieving the way they thought their life would be when the relationship would be with their parent they're also really probably overwhelmed with responsibility they want.
A break but knowing that a break means that something is likely going to happen to the parent right so then they feel guilty well I don't want.
To let this go right so there's a lot of emotions that come in there and even if it's you know a child that you're caring for theirs.
There's always this grieving of the way we thought things were going to be.
[21:40] So that makes it even more difficult and it can sort of compounds the physical burnout right of just.
Lack of sleep and GoGo and being in fight or flight all the time and really just living in survival mode because that does something to a body as well right.
That mental burnout is such a big obstacle because other people can't see it and so.
[22:08] All you can do is try to find the words to communicate that you're mentally burnt out but you don't you don't have the mental bandwidth to find the word.
[22:18] And it's just like it's super difficult and even when I speak with caregivers of in families so adult children.
And I say to them I've said to them in the past like listen you're grieving listen like you know this is how you thought things were going to go especially you hit the nail on the head especially with folks who have a loved one who has a cognitive impairment.
You can't see it coming as well and so we thought X was going to happen now wise having to happen,
and they don't realize they're grieving they don't realize you know sure they feel guilty they see that guilt part but they don't realize how,
those emotions are and how much they're really affecting them and how much the mental strain,
takes off off the top and then ways on their physical you know physical well-being.
[23:12] Yeah definitely I remember being angry all the time
right after the accident and I'll always remember going to this doctor's appointment and I was following this little blue sports car and he kept speeding up and slowing down speeding up and slowing down
and by the time I got to my doctor's appointment I was so angry.
And I could almost see the headlines in my head right yoga teacher has a fit of road rage and attacks a little old man driving blue sports car right and and it was just like oh this be great but I was,
angry and and I was no fun to be around with friends and I was completely isolating myself because it was.
Just so heavy emotionally and I knew I was no fun to be around and I was I was grieving.
And I remember my doctor saying that to me you are grieving and it's going to take awhile and you're angry because this is not the way you thought your life was going to be and that's,
that's really real and that's really heavy and people forget sometimes right because when you're in survival mode it's all about I need to get this done I need to get,
groceries I need to make sure everyone's fed make sure everyone's in bed like,
you know it's all task-oriented and we tend to forget and push through that emotional heaviness until it catches up with you.
[24:40] More people think like when they think grieving they think or somebody died somebody passed away therefore creeping happens but most of the grieving I see is actually when people are alive.
And when people are,
in a situation where again like they thought something was going to go one way and it went another way even to your point about not being any fun I definitely am not as fun as I used to be I'm just gonna put that out there right and it's like you know I.
Isolate myself as well because one I'm not as fun as I used to be because of all the extra stuff and two I don't have energy.
For small talk I don't have energy to put anything but yoga pants on and go out the door or some days.
And I don't want to be in an environment where I feel extra uncomfortable plus I'm no fun.
Person so it's a cyclical thing and you know how to get out of it right and it's.
Hey you're always trying to put one foot in front of the other like we were talking about but it's a long process and like I said before you know I've been burnt out for years and a kind of I feel like it kind of comes and goes depending on your load of what's Happening,
but those lows are low yeah did you find that that it like even with.
[26:00] I don't know it's hard to explain you know to our viewers but I'm sure that a lot of them
are kind of in the same situation and they don't realize that they've been in this grieving scenario and and how do they address that right so,
we're going to talk about this a little bit more after the break we will go to a break now Julie and we'll talk about prevention which is one of my favorite topics as many of our viewers know it's,
really hitting home with me today as you can see I'm just being open and real with our audience with Julie because I think that the more times people are open and real the other people can get help from.
[26:40] So I know that after the break again Julie and I are going to talk about prevention this you know we're going to keep this conversation going so this is Artful aging with Amy we're coming to you live on Bold Brave TV we'll be back in a few minutes.
But tune hi everyone welcome back to Artful aging with Amy where we've been talking about caregiver perspective self-care and burnout with my guest Julie.
Julie let's talk about prevention what are some of the ways that caregivers can prevent burnout,
the very first step that I would say is the most difficult and I think it has to do with establishing boundaries.
And it's super difficult for caregivers because boundaries require you to.
Recognize your own worst through your own value as much as the other persons.
And as caregivers we've already said that's really difficult because sometimes you know that somebody else's well-being at minimum depends on you so.
[27:49] Trying to really acknowledge that if I don't recharge my battery if I don't feel my own cup they're going to suffer as well that's the first step,
and then it's all about I think finding a way to pause.
So for me yoga has been my Saving Grace and for the first two years after my husband's accident I had one hour a week
and that was my one hour a week where everything was taken care of I knew he wasn't going to leave a house the kids were in bed it was an eight to nine yoga class on Tuesday nights and that was my Saving Grace and for me it wasn't about,
necessarily you know the exercise part of it but it was just about stopping and pausing.
So prevention for me has always been reading your energy levels knowing when you're starting to get depleted.
And knowing enough and feeling it in your body and knowing enough to stop and pause and sometimes it can be just taking five deep breaths.
And it's hitting that pause button.
[28:53] Right and just being able to say to yourself you know what I am going to just sit here for five deep breaths and not worry about the fact that,
for running low on milk in the fridge or I've got a do such-and-such I've got a wash the laundry for the kiddo for the next day,
it's about just taking a little bit of time getting in touch with your body realizing how you feel acknowledging that.
And respecting that and then doing something to help you refill the cup.
[29:30] I find it's really it's difficult with I meditate and do a little bit of yoga as well and it's when I first started meditating.
Your brain doesn't shut off and so what I had to do for the first bit and I don't know if you know it might not be common practice and it might be frowned upon but what I had to do for the first bit is literally have a pen beside me,
and a piece of paper and if I couldn't get it out of my brain I felt like it was better to write it down quickly,
so that I could release it because I knew that it would just cycle in my brain all the time and so that
I think is one of the reasons a lot of people don't meditate because they feel like they can't shut off their brain but it's like a chicken or egg right you meditate so you can learn how to shut off your brain,
but if you don't you know if you don't meditate then you'll never get to a point so I'm still working through it myself there's definitely,
one minute here and there I'm not thinking about 12 million things,
but few and far between and it's literally just keeping the practice going every single time so that.
You know you can build on it whether it's doesn't have to be perfect it just have to save the space for it when you agree.
[30:40] I would and I'm glad you said that actually I teach meditation sometimes I have different workshops but the first thing I ever say to anyone learning to meditate is that it is impossible to shut off your brain.
[30:54] Your brain is programmed that's as job the the brains job is to think thoughts.
And what you are working towards in meditation is to observe the thoughts.
And not jump on the thought and start to follow the thought into the next one in the next one so quite often and that's what I practice when I do my yoga practice and that's what I always say
to my students when I started my yoga class is that.
[31:25] Notice the thoughts observe them and then just say huh that's interesting,
but right now I'm doing something else let it go and just sort of push it out of your head and I that's the practice it's the practice of knowing that,
you are going to think those thoughts but you need a break and you need to not follow it to the next one to the next one to start to plan.
Some things that I found really helpful as I've been learning to meditate is counting to ten while you're breathing because I know that if I get to 11 I'm not paying attention,
so you notice and like immediately 1112 oh wait I'm not paying attention I'm thinking about something else and then also what
one of the apps that I've been using also teaches you to label your thoughts right it's like.
Something work comes up okay that's work or important versus not important and if you label it it actually decreases it from you know coming at you as much because you've acknowledged it and you let it go so that's.
Been really helpful for me something that you mentioned a little bit ago is that you're a firm believer in the that Wellness stems from
effective management of your energy levels and maintaining the connection between mind body and spirit and you teach this as a wellness coach can you tell our viewers a little bit more about this type of class what it can do for them,
why they might want to take something like this as part of their day and try to fit it in for themselves.
[32:51] Well I live your balance I offer some Wellness coaching for caregivers and,
it's I have this one program that's called fill my cup and it's all about it's an eight-week program and it's all about.
[33:08] Filling up your cup recognizing your limiting beliefs setting boundaries learning how to ask for help so I basically took,
my whole experience as a caregiver and the experience I have was talking with other caregivers with my yoga students and just put everything into this hybrid program where I look at what
I would have needed right and how to break the isolation and how to deal with that inner dialogue and how to deal with those shoulds right that,
word I really should do this and how to really break that down and figure out where's that come from and is it really life and death and reprioritizing and trying to find those little pockets
of time where you can press the pause button.
So in my yoga classes I teach in studio and I also have at times some series that I offer virtually but I always really.
Stress the fact that.
It's all about it's not about getting a pose right it's not about perfection it's not about achieving it's about really just feeling.
And letting go of expectations and just being okay with being you at that time and I think that is a huge part of managing your energy.
[34:34] I couldn't agree more and I really appreciate you coming on today this has been terrific information thanks so much Julie I really like I said I went through our notes before and it really got me so thanks so much for coming on.
How do you for more information about Julie and live your balance head over to Artful aging with a me.com.
After the break I'm going to share my top tips from today you don't want to miss it you've been enjoying Artful aging with a me here live on Bold Brave TV see you in a minute.
[35:07] Are you in your family considering Senior Living options but you're not quite sure where to start.
In my best-selling book breadcrumbs piecing together the retirement living industry you will find tips and strategies for navigating the entire Journey.
Whether you're needing help with understanding the basics or strategies to help a loved one with dementia it's all inside.
Head over to tea and toast dot c a /e book to pick up your copy today.
[35:36] Hi everyone welcome back I've got to say this has been an emotional hour for me and I know there are many others out there that probably feel the same way
I'd love to hear from you in the comments below our video if you found today's information helpful
please go ahead and comment under the video or give us a thumbs up I'd love to hear your thoughts and open up a conversation about this and
tell me what are you going to implement in your life going forward as a caregiver.
I know I'm going to be working on getting out of the should trap who else is with me I also was telling Julie on the break that.
She said you know like all of our expectations so now every time I have an expectation I said to myself let go of expectations so I've been doing a couple of days worth of that and it helps I have to say.
[36:24] Let's talk about top tips from today's show and break it down for a little bit my number one tip from today again let go of expectations.
Both of yourself and others.
This is a skill that requires a lot of practice and patience so be gentle with yourself and take the small steps to make it happen.
I often find like it's tripping repeatedly repeatedly until you gradually start tripping less and less and then you finally got it so just keep with it.
Number two would be to take a breath and slow down sometimes a few deep breaths can change the whole scene
both for you and the person you're caring for remember it's you know you can only control yourself so take a minute to pause before possibly a reaction or just going into being a caregiver.
Number three recognized burn out for what it is and take actionable steps to correct it.
Whatever this means for you maybe it's getting some respite,
into your home or getting going out for the night perhaps I know that what works best for me personally is if I get a night away.
Where I'm the only person I'm responsible for it doesn't happen that often but I find that those times really,
really help to get through a little bit of it of course it doesn't take away the burnout but it does alleviate it a bit and I'm sure that many of you can relate.
[37:50] Number four get some help you know I you don't go through this alone.
Julie is a great resource and if she's not in your area or you can't do anything virtually at the moment you can always reach out to a similar professional I know when things were feeling super stressful for me
I went to see a few professionals about both what Evo was going through as a three year old toddler trying to navigate the world and what my response was,
in my Mac and to responding to her and I can tell you a worked very well so not only get help for yourself but you know how are you reacting to the loved ones because your caregiving,
for people that you care for so try to keep that in check so that you can do it properly and that you don't get burned out in in the meantime
and there you have it so I next show next week's show we're going to be speaking about incapacity planning I know I know you don't want to talk about it I've been told this so many times,
you don't want to talk about it but the good thing is is that it's just you and me so you might as well watch the show next week and get any tips you can get and then you don't have to tell anybody you watched it if you would love,
I would love for you to take a minute,
and like the video or the podcast on the app that you're listening to us on it really helps people find our show a lot more easy and we can help a bit.
We can help more caregivers out there and the seniors that they're carrying.
[39:13] So thank you so much for joining me today on our 2008 Jing with Amy we've been live on Bold Brave TV from me to all of you I hope you have a wonderful one.
[39:25] You've been listening to Artful aging with host femi many folks just like you feel they're alone in their journey and helping a loved one or.
So tune in each week and let a me show you that help is around the corner and it's just one conversation away here on Artful Aging with Amy.